Godsmack - Running Blind acoustic

relief

I don't want to be here, I think about ways that I can leave. I look at my boxes of morphine tablets and I want to take them all.
I am so over the pain of lonliness, relationships, my arm, my future, everything.
I don't want to cry anymore, and that's all I seem to do
2 reasons keep me here

Bride of Frankenstien

I am never ever ever EVER going to have surgery again!
So that boob job that I wanted is not going to happen, it'll be push up bras and I might get me some chicken fillets, because there is no way I am EVER going to willinging have surgery.
I had a guy draw up the antibiotic that I'd just finished telling him that I am allergic to (steven johnson's syndrome is a bitch) luckily the anesthetist heard him and reminded him that I was allergic to it. Apart from that, I was out with the first injection, no counting back from 100 for me.
I was so worried about the surgery that it didn't even occur to me that recovery would be a bitch.
First thing I remember was that I couldn't breath, so I had oxygen etc, then the pain hit, holy hell!
I had an allergic reaction to the morphine drip (great another thing to add to the red allergy band) so they changed that to fentanyl wow that's good stuff :) "Fentanyl has an analgesic potency of about 80 times that of morphine"
So anyway, I was in hospital for 4 days which was fun apart from the pain and the pain and then the pain

dorsal scapholunate ganglion

So how would you like to have a dorsal scapholunate ganglion, I know! me too!

yay I've got one! (and MRI's suck arse)

That's what's been making my wrist hurt, so every time I warked about the pain my wrist it was because I have a dorsal scapholunate ganglion!!!!

say it with me dorsal scapholunate ganglion, dorsal scapholunate ganglion, dorsal scapholunate ganglion.

If anyone can figure out what it is, please contact me.

Surgery is at 9am tomorrow

I have to be at the hospital at 7
Super! More washing with icko hospital antibacterial soap while paying special attention to my happy bits

SEND FREAKIN FLOWERS

or your best wishes :)

love and smoochies

Update
dorsal scapholunate ganglion is a cyst, the one I have formed in a tear in my ligament and has to be surgically removed

This is the ghost of me past

I died during surgery and that's why I haven't been online for a while, but I'm back now :)

Ok I lied, I didn't even have surgery.
I was all gowned up and anti-bacterialised and waiting and waiting and my surgeon came to tell me that there were problems with the surgery before mine (I am hoping that isn't doc speak for "oops-a -daisy we killed the guy")
blah whatever, couldn't be helped, no point getting upset about it, like the stupid woman who made the comment "Hospitals have to realise that patients have lives too" yes and I like mine and would prefer not to piss anyone off who could do things to me while I'm under a general.
Surgery has been rebooked for Thursday 19th, and I wont get bumped this time, cos I get preference, yay lucky me :)

*Insert impending doom music here

Today is the day, I am leaving for hospital in 3 hours, surgery is in 6 hours. I should actually be in the shower washing my whole body, "while paying special attention to my genitalia" with some antibacterial soap stuff that they gave me, I'm also supposed to wash my hair with it, can just imagine how that's going to make my beautiful hair feel.. like friggin straw I'm guessing.
So anyway.. put simply I'm scared to death, damn didn't want to use that word. Radial Head resection, sounds like great fun, hopefully I shall be stoned off my head on pain killers by this time tonight.
Ok I'm off to pay special attention to my genitalia, damn they even have picture instructions on how I should wash hahaha

Sliced and diced

Did you know that one in 10000 people die during a general anaesthetic? Did you also know that there are lots of (happy now richy dear?) complications to be had as well?
I can even list them

* Injury at the injection site
* Infection
* Breathing problems
* Short term damage to nerves
* Allergic reaction, for example, asthma attack
* Having sensation (and pain) during the operation
* Damage to the mouth, teeth, lips or tongue
* Damage to vocal cords or larynx
* Lung damage
* Heart attack
* Brain damage
* Stroke
* Kidney failure
* Liver failure
* Paraplegia
* Quadriplegia.

Woo hoo!! So now I am super excited about having my operation!
I've never been knocked out for anything, but October the 5th is the day that I get to go unconscious for a few hours. All going well I'll be out on the 6th. Stupid broken elbow (dec 2004), because of stupid skateboarding, actually I still love skateboarding :)
My big teddy bear specialist got all happy about being able to attempt to straighten my arm while I'm knocked out, his face looked like a kid at christmas, so I mentioned morphine a few times, I don't know whether or not he thought I was being serious, but hell yes I'm being serious, give me pain drugs and keep them coming!
I've asked myself over and over whether or not I should get this done, but as the last cortisone injection gradually wears off, I know that any permanent pain relief would be great. There's no guarantee that anything will improve though. And because I am the only parent that my daughters have, I worry that I could be doing the wrong thing by them if something goes horribly wrong, yes I know that chances of that are teeny but I worry about everything.

So anyway, I'm getting prepared, writing my will, cleaning my house, hiding the toys, have got the awesome egyptian cotton sheets reading for my return, no doubt I will wash them again before I go into hospital because there's nothing like freshly sun dried egyptian cotton sheets (no fabric softener!!).. heaven!
I've asked Ky to bring me some gai pric from Sanook at Corlette OMG YUM! what else do I need? oh yeah lots of dvds, new scrubs collection is out today!!

The other things I worry about is saying stupid stuff. I say so many dumb things while I am awake, so I can just imagine what I'll be saying while I'm coming out of the anaesthetic!

And in other news,

Poor little A has broken her finger.

Her bus driver that takes her from school to the train station decided that the engine wasn't working to his satisfaction and told the kids that he was going to take the bus back to the depot so if they were in a hurry they would have to get out and run to the train station to get to their trains.

So A ran down the street to get to her train on time, she dodged some people and gracefully flew over a a big mosaic flower pot, hurting her leg and bending her finger in a position that it wasn't supposed to go in. Poor little duck was helped to the station by a nice lady, and caught her train home, her pointy finger (ok INDEX finger) on her left hand was very swollen, we took her to Hospital and after 5 hours we were told that her finger is broken, her x-rays look cooooool, nice break, luckily it didn't involve the growth plate, couple of millimetres lower and it would have, so her finger should grow normally. They strapped her finger because it's too swollen for anything else and we have to go to the fracture clinic today so they can look at it again. I did ask the doctor if she could keep doing the dishes and the evil man said no?! how fair is that?! now B and I have to do them!!!!

She was very brave and didn't cry much (I know!! this is kid that stubs her toe and cries so the street can hear!! yet she breaks a finger and hardly cries?!) she started crying after 4 hours in the hospital, poor little flower was getting very frustrated
Luckily she can still play playstation